Beauty for Ashes

Today, the world celebrated Mother’s Day. If I am being honest, part of me wanted to stay in the bed, hide out under the sheets, and let this day just pass me by, but I knew, even still, I had too much to celebrate today. God has blessed me with THE BEST mother, a wonderful mother-in-law, and, of course, all of my precious babies. Also, this week, we were finally able to bring Emryn’s ashes home. It has unquestionably been an emotional week, and an emotional day. This week before Mother’s Day, as I held her ashes in my hands crying out to God, once again, to bring beauty from these ashes, the Lord reminded me of two significant events: First, I was reminded of the last time I experienced comparable pain, when I found myself amidst a broken family. Secondly, I was reminded of the significance of May 14 for my family, which this Mother’s Day happens to fall on. Ten years ago today, on May 14, 2013, after being separated from my husband for 10 months, two months away from a divorce, my husband moved back home and my marriage and my family was not only restored, but also redeemed. He does not just restore the old, but He makes all things new. Here is an excerpt from my Facebook page on May 14, 2014: 

One year ago tonight, I sat across the living room from my husband who had just moved back home after ten months of us being separated. I remember wondering if, after being married nine years, we still knew each other. I didn’t know much that night and, to be completely honest, I had fears of how we were going to make it through. All I knew for absolute certainty was that God had a plan and this was part of it. My greatest fears were overshadowed by an unwavering confidence that God was in control. I had never been so sure of any decision in my life, yet so unsure of how it could possibly work. We took a leap of faith that day. We listened to His voice even though we could not see how, and from that moment God has shown us that, truly, NOTHING is impossible for Him. Nothing. His ways are so much higher and His grace is sufficient. My life, my family, is evidence of that. If you do not believe in miracles, we are one. This year has taught us the value of forgiveness and grace. Mountains have crumbled. So, tonight, we have another anniversary to celebrate. Happy First Anniversary of the rest of our lives!

My heart leaps at the mention of sufficient grace, as I find myself a recipient of grace so sufficient once again. This Mother’s Day, May 14, 2023, is the Tenth Anniversary of the rest of our lives, a beautiful reminder that God indeed gives beauty for ashes, and I know He will do it again for our family. On this tenth anniversary of our marriage redemption story, I spent some time this evening reading about the number 10 in the Bible. Whenever we see the number 10 in the Bible, we see God’s hand in His interactions with us through divine authority and design. Numerous examples of the number 10 are found in the Bible. In each Scripture, 10 indicates God’s authority, completeness, order, and divine perfection (Source: Steppes of Faith). This Mother’s Day I am reminded that God is sovereign and His plans for us are good, complete, and divinely perfect. My trust in His goodness remains steadfast.

Tonight, to celebrate Emryn Selah, we released 10 lanterns over the mountains, one for each of us and one for Emryn. It was not until after we lit the lanterns that I realized there is the number 10 again, a symbolic representation that God is working out His good and divinely perfect plan for us. We watched as one little lantern blew over Emryn’s memorial spot and then into the trees before finding its way through a small opening off into the sky. You can see the single lantern through the trees in one of the pictures below. I had almost postponed this private family celebration of Emryn’s life because it was raining and a fog lingered over the mountains. But, I remembered that rain in the Bible is referred to as a blessing after a drought, a symbol of God’s love. I knew then we had to carry on with our plans to celebrate Emryn on this special day, just like I know God loves us and has for us a blessing after this drought. The rain brings forth a blessing and the fog always lifts.

Leviticus 26:3-4 If you follow my decrees and are careful to obey my commands, I will send you rain in its season, and the ground will yield its crops and the trees their fruit.

Tonight, Father God, I thank you for Your great love for us and for Your grace sufficient to see us through the pain of a broken family 10 years ago and sufficient for what we face today. I wait expectantly and with anticipation for how I know You will once again bestow on us beauty for ashes, Just by Grace.    

Isaiah 61:3 To bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor.   

I know the pain that we have been feeling cannot compare to the joy that is coming. (Romans 8:18)